Just another week...

Other than the divorce being final, this week has been like any other. I trudge through each day directing my children and living in my head. My head has been a screwy mess. I am looking for distractions. Some have proven quite effective and promising, others not so much.
I can sense change coming. I don't know whether it is my need for change or if it a premonition. When it happens, where will it take me? If I just let it happen and don't try to control it will it be better? I know I can't keep going like I have. I need more.
Am I craving career, a relationship, or just a new life? I don't even know. All I know is that I need to be a part of something that is bigger than me. I feel stagnant.
Tonight I helped my kids clean their rooms, fed them dinner, baked them cookies and sent them to bed. I laid down with Grace to help her get to sleep. We start out face to face with her in my arms. She scoots down and buries her nose into my chest. I feel her relax completley. She is instantly snoring. I lay there with her in my arms and I am still living in my head. It occurs to me... This is what I am missing.
At the end of the day, after I have made sure everyone else's needs have been met, I miss having someone to tuck me in and make sure my needs are met.