Posts
Other than the divorce being final, this week has been like any other. I trudge through each day directing my children and living in my head. My head has been a screwy mess. I am looking for distractions. Some have proven quite effective and promising, others not so much.
I can sense change coming. I don't know whether it is my need for change or if it a premonition. When it happens, where will it take me? If I just let it happen and don't try to control it will it be better? I know I can't keep going like I have. I need more.
Am I craving career, a relationship, or just a new life? I don't even know. All I know is that I need to be a part of something that is bigger than me. I feel stagnant.
Tonight I helped my kids clean their rooms, fed them dinner, baked them cookies and sent them to bed. I laid down with Grace to help her get to sleep. We start out face to face with her in my arms. She scoots down and buries her nose into my chest. I feel her relax completley. She is instantly snoring. I lay there with her in my arms and I am still living in my head. It occurs to me... This is what I am missing.
At the end of the day, after I have made sure everyone else's needs have been met, I miss having someone to tuck me in and make sure my needs are met.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I can hear ya on this one. You stop to take a deep breath in the middle of it all and see what's ahead of you. Then you slowly realize....... this is it? THIS is it????? This can't be it. I was supposed to be having a totally different life, wasn't I? I was seriously lied to by my guidance counsellor in highschool dammit!
ReplyDeleteThat's about the time a bottle of wine gets uncorked and it all seems to be "just right" for yours truly.
Exactly! This is it...how disappointing. But when it comes down to it, the little stuff... is where its at.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Rats, my comment didn't post. I think I said that I like to live for the moment. But I also like to plan some things ahead so I have stuff to look forward to. This helps me with that feeling you wrote about.
ReplyDeleteChange is good. Exciting even!!
I have NOTHING planned for certain and it is driving me NUTS! I have been all over the U.S. this year, 10 roundtrip flights I believe. It feels so weird to have nothing going. It is kind of disappointing. Now I wait til spring training or do I throw a wrench in others plans and go back to school? Not sure that the two are possible together. I am dying for a change! Ok, now I am rambling when a simple "Thank You, Brett" would have done! Thank You! How was NY?
ReplyDeleteI am going to be in Phoenix in March for a conference. I have to fit in a Cubs spring training game somehow.
ReplyDeleteAs for plans, they don't have to be big. Just find something you like and get it on your calendar.
NY was good. You should take your legs to see the rockettes.
The one thing that I am for certain I am doing... In March, Florida... For Cardinal's Spring Training! What a hoot!
ReplyDeleteYou and your dirty birds. Well Mary, nobody is perfect. Everyone is allowed a few faults, although rooting for the Cardinals just about uses all yours up.
ReplyDeleteYou kinda took those words from my head about the what are you craving right now. So true damnit!
ReplyDelete*snickers and points at Mary* ..... Cardinals. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
ReplyDelete